From Violence to Dignity In a Once Troubled Marriage

by Brian Stevens

Lydie Jean Baptiste used to be on the hard side of a troubling statistic. One in three Haitian women face physical and sexual violence from their partner or spouse. “Sometimes, I wanted to die,” said Lydie, 34, as she expressed the indignity and desperation that became her daily existence.

Lydie & Tane Jean Baptiste credit Beyond Borders' Rethinking Power program with ending the violence in and restoring the dignity of their marriage.

“I was living a miserable life,” added Lydie, a mother of three who also worried about the impact her husband’s abusive behavior had on their daughter and two sons. “My husband did whatever he wanted. He slept with other women. He yelled at me and hit me. He beat me when I refused to have sex.”

Then a fellow member of a local community group encouraged Lydie to turn to Rethinking Power – a community-based initiative of Beyond Borders. “Rethinking Power works to address the root cause of violence against women and girls – the imbalance in power between women and men,” said Sara Siebert, who, together with three Haitian staff members, is responsible for launching this effort.

In the wake of the January 2010 earthquake, Haitian and international women’s organizations documented a spike in violence against women and girls – a common occurrence after a natural disaster. Beyond Borders introduced Rethinking Power in June 2010 – just six months after the quake – as the cornerstone of our effort to help build the movement to stop violence against women and girls.

“I remember that day even today,” Lydie said, recalling the first time she took part in a Rethinking Power event. “It was a Tuesday; the meeting was scheduled to start at 8:30 a.m., but I was there at 7.” As Lydie learned, the movement to end violence against women and girls isn’t just about restoring dignity to women who are victims of abuse – it’s also about restoring the dignity of male abusers, families and even whole communities. 

“Rethinking Power is about equipping people to examine the power relationships in their day-to-day lives and become activists in the various roles they play as market women, taxi drivers, students, pastors, etc.,” said Siebert, who developed expertise in violence prevention through her years of working in more than a half dozen countries before joining the staff of Beyond Borders in Haiti.

“The reflections that emerge in these different contexts and discussions lead Haitians to rethink and remake their communities and themselves,” she added. Beginning the process to remake her home was exactly what Lydie did when she returned from her first Rethinking Power training.

“When I got home I spoke to my husband and told him what I heard that day,” Lydie said. “He reacted very emotionally and seemed to be angry at first. But once I started talking about the consequences of violence on women, on men, on children, on the community, and on society in general, his jaw dropped.”

The product of a hyper-machismo Haitian culture, Lydie’s husband was raised in an environment in which men dominated women through force. “I was a bully in my home,” admitted Tane Jean Baptiste.

“I did not listen to anyone. I had several girlfriends because I thought that was the right and responsibility of a man,” he said, adding, “You should make women afraid; humiliate them so they feel like they are nothing in front of you.” Lydie’s reality check changed Tane – especially when she spoke of their own daughter and her prospects in a culture where violence robbed women of so much dignity.

“When I reminded him that the daughter that he loves so much was not exempt from this violence, and that men could also beat her, he was truly disgusted,” Lydie said. Tane confirmed his shock: “When I heard this, I was speechless. When my wife talked about the consequences of violence against women, my conscience kicked in – especially when she used our home as an example, and spoke of the children.” Lydie – who has since become a Rethinking Power community activist – won over her husband, who now attends trainings with her and is an informal activist.

“I tell my wife, if there are men who are unwavering and unreceptive, send them to me,” Tane said. While the Rethinking Power program doesn’t mean Lydie and Tane’s house is 100 percent conflict free, Lydie observed that there’s “a different atmosphere,” in the family. “I can talk with Tane as an equal. We do everything together. We talk all the time about the direction of the family. There has been a great change in my home.”

Their neighbors have taken note too. “What is most surprising is that I have become a model in the neighborhood because the neighbors don’t hear us cursing at one another anymore,” Lydie said. “Every time we step out they ask me for advice, and I can’t tell you the joy I feel in being a leader in my neighborhood.