ast summer our Haitian host organization (Rasin Lespwa or Roots of Hope) in the community of Dabòn planned a day at the beach for the visiting Transformational Travel group. It was a fun day of sun, music, clear blue water, and growing intercultural friendships...one of those days you wish would never end.

They had planned all the details, even arranged for several people to come along to make lunch for us. The cooks worked right beside our group and took part in the conversation and bantering. When the rice and beans were finally cooked, they were dished out into large serving bowls and everybody helped themselves from the common pot. Cases of soda were put in the shade, and the cool drinks were welcome in the highnoon heat. There were lots of stories and joking, all translated from Creole to English and English to Creole, with more than enough food and friendship to go around. As food, fun, and thoughts were freely shared, we were really living the Haitian proverb, “Cooked food belongs to everyone.”

Then, as several of us were sitting under the thatched roof kiosk, a Haitian friend came by and picked up an open soda bottle that had been set out on the table for anyone to take. Somebody warned him that there was something floating in it. He jokingly said, “Aw, you give me your castoffs,” to which I jousted back, “Hey, beggars can’t be choosers!”

Silence. Everybody looked at each other. Somebody finally asked, “Is that an American proverb?”

Suddenly a bright light illuminated one of the conflicts that make intercultural partnering so difficult. That proverb, of course, doesn’t characterize how everyone gives, but it does provide insight into one way of thinking that goes like this: “Here, I’m giving to you what I want to give. If you end up not needing or wanting it, then, well, what more can I do for you?”

Then we started to share our diverse experiences and discuss the implications of this proverb. People shouldn’t have to beg, and if they do, they shouldn’t also be denied the opportunity to make choices. Our relationship with others should never be solely defined by what I do for you. It should be about what we both need and what is best for us both. It should be an exchange where we both give and receive. So I visit you at your house, won’t you come and visit me at mine? I want to learn to know you, to understand your context and your challenges and what makes you happy. And I also want to be known by you. I want you to know who I am and why I do what I do.

We decided that of the two, the proverb “cooked food belongs to everyone” is a more joyful proverb to live by. Cooked food and so many good things in life are from God and are given for us all to share and enjoy.